Prosumer

Is that maybe why you always work with Murat, because he can force you to let go?

[Long pause as he thinks about the question.] Errrrmmm, no, it’s not that. Murat and I just have a very great connection. We’ve been friends for so many years, we know each other inside out. We’re both sometimes complicated and know how to deal with that. Especially at the time we made Serenity, we were both going through break-ups and we both are people who turn to music in times of need. So for Serenity we were both experiencing the same thing and filtering that through music, and that was a great experience.

So is making music therapeutic because it takes your mind off your pain, or because you try and directly channel that pain through the sounds you make?

I think it’s a bit of both. [Laughs] Actually, there were times I couldn’t cope with my emotional life so I went to sing karaoke a couple of times a week.

Really?!

It’s because it allows you to not express your own feelings but the feelings of the song, so at a time when I wasn’t able to fully go there with what was going on with myself, I could basically dry hump the feeling through someone else’s song. [Laughs] I hope you know what I mean.

there were times I couldn't cope with my emotional life so I went to sing karaoke a couple of times a week.

For someone who has spoken about needing time to themselves and not always being comfortable in the company of other people, karaoke seems a crazily brave thing to do. 

The thing is it’s not a classic karaoke with a big stage – I go to places where they have small boxes and I go with friends. In Berlin there’s a place, Monster Ronson’s, where you mix and mingle for a fixed entrance fee and that can be surprisingly fun. You end up with shitty people and sing stuff you know will drive them away so you get the box for yourself, or you end up with really nice people. I remember a night there was this metal guy – he was singing metal ballads, so really not my music, but we got along and were singing Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue together, and it was brilliant!

What do you sing when the choice is yours?

It depends on the situation. There are a couple of happy songs I do. Of course, if you do Human League ‘Don’t You Want Me’ that works well and everybody joins in. I just had a night of karaoke with Murat and one of the highlights was Leila K – ‘Open Sesame’, which is stupid and has ridiculous lyrics but was a lot of fun.

You’ve talked before about depression, but you seem happy now, laughing all the way through your karaoke anecdotes. Do you feel more at ease with life in Edinburgh?

I feel more happy. I experience life as a series of long and slow roads up, and still get times where I’m sad, or overwhelmed with negative feelings, but all in all my life has been a rewarding one. It’s only getting better all the time.

How does DJing fit into that? Is it always a welcome release or do you sometimes not feel up to it?

Records have been the friends I go to in the time of need. If I feel bad or had a bad day, music lifts me out of that. There are moments where you have a shitty experience in the club where you don’t feel happy because of various factors – if the equipment is shit, and you struggle, that will put you in a bad mood, and the music can’t always lift me out of that. Or if people treat you disrespectfully.

So I imagine the prospect of meeting unknown promoters at the airport is one of the worst bits of the job for you.

Usually it’s a driver or somebody who’s excited to meet you, and who doesn’t like that!? Sometimes it’s someone who is under the influence of personality enhancing substances and that, for me, who has no interest in drugs, can be quite exhausting. The thing I struggle with most is people ignoring my boundaries, being very pushy.

Once I had someone backstage before I went on to DJ asking me all these questions, “have you heard this, have you heard that?” All I could say was “no.” In the end I realised he was asking me about stuff that wasn’t released and he was trying to catch me saying, “yeah, I know it,” because he was holding his mobile phone to record what I was saying and was trying to catch me out. It was extremely weird, and rude, and made me think what is going on with these tabloid tactics?! That was surprising and shocking, but usually I meet nice people and have a good time.

Records have been the friends I go to in the time of need. If I feel bad or had a bad day, music lifts me out of that.

So tell us about the label you’re starting with Murat. Why now?

Well we joked that we’re at the stage in our relationship where it’s OK to have a baby. We’ve worked with lots of labels in the last years and had good and bad experiences, but at some point we thought “why not do it ourselves and have full control?” It’s much easier to do that now than a couple of years ago.

Does it mean you’ve resolved to release more of your own music?

I, umm, well, at the beginning I thought I would do the second release but now we have such great material from other people that that will go first. I have finished tracks but they don’t, erm… it’s OK for them to stay in a folder for a couple more months. Maybe by release four there will be something by me.

Is it a confidence thing that means you hold your stuff back, or if someone said something was good would you put it out there?

It’s a bit of both. With my release on Playhouse at that time – I never intended to release it with my vocals. In my head [Inner City vocalist] Paris Grey was singing it. So for me it was more a demo track, but people encouraged me at that time to release it like that. So sure people can encourage me, but it’s part a confidence thing, it is, ummmm, I think it is about letting go and making… agh, this sounds cheesy, but it’s about making a part of yourself available to everyone.

Are you more confident when DJing?

Of course.

And are you critical of your DJ sets?

Yes. It doesn’t really happen that at the end of the night I think, “hey, I was brilliant!” Usually there is stuff where I think that went well and this didn’t so much. I’m quite critical of myself, yeah.